Make this, it's awesome.

I made the best breakfast this morning, and it's still kind of healthy, and it was freaking delicious!

Eggs in a basket.

You'll need eggs, wheat bread, a frying pan, a stove top, a spatula, hands, a plate, a mouth, a stomach, and eventually a toilet. Don't look at me like that. Everyone Poops. There's even a book.

So you take your piece of bread and cut a hole in it like so:

Then you spray your frying pan with pam, heat it, put the bread in the pan and crack an egg in the hole of the bread. Flip it over so it cooks on both sides, and then you have....

An EGG IN A BASKET!!

Then you eat it. YAY!!!

Diet?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

So, as you may have guessed from the lack of posts from Maggie and I, we're both in a weight loss contest. And that means a diet. And that means considerably less breakfast action. We stand to win some $$ though, and I don't want my ass to be this fat anymore.

This diet however comes on the heels of this discovery:

Cheesecake Pancakes.

What.
The.
Fuck.

Those are like my two most favorite things ever melded into one fattening pile of fatty-fat-fat-fat heaven.

Serously, Ihop? You couldn't wait a few months? Or have stepped this promo up a few months? Instead I was just in time for the country potato special that may or may not have given me the shits. I hate you. I hate you so much.

Welcome to the Route 28 Cafe, (don't drink the cool-aid)

Another beautiful day in West Yarmouth, where (as the Route 28 Cafe reminds you) an inordinate amount of large/strange landmarks lead you down Route 28. We braved the mini-golf courses, the big wooden bear, the giant elephant (outside the India big and tall store, XL to XXXXXXXXXL) and the white whale that is the landmark to which, I use as a base location when giving people directions to my house. Yes, my friends I live in West Yarmouth, (or as the Route 28 Cafe deems it, the Wonderful World of Oz), which is fine by me.



The Route 28 Cafe, going on land mark directions is right next to the mini golf course with the giant skull, NOT to be confused with Pirate's Cove. Its got a little neon sign, and it looks like a shiny tin can.

First of all the decor is in my own words "freakin' rad". They have the whole 50's diner thing going on, the seats are sparkle red vinyl, there are records shellacked into the counter tops, even the little dish for the creamers is a little record.

The coffee was good, the food was excellent the waitress was... I'm pretty sure trying to cheer us up, at least she was awful cheery and every time she came over to our table she adopted what I think of as a "cheer leader" voice or that of a parent trying to make a toddler feel better about their boo boo. I don't know about you, but this kind of shrill voice is not the first thing I want to hear in the morning. It makes it difficult to remember just what it was about the Route 28 Cafe that made me make a mental note to go back.

Upon reflection, if I had to sum up the cheerful waitress in one word it wouldn't be "cheerful" it would be "nice". She did seem like a genuinely nice person, she help an old gentleman find his wallet in the parking lot, she chatted kindly with her regulars and was very attentive to us. Even though as soon as we left Holly said to me "I think she wanted us to join her cult."

Overall I'd go back, before I knew it, I was a member of "The Clean Plate Club" and the coffee was decent. And the waitress well, she was...nice.

A Blast from the Past

Hey Fanciful Readers!

It's been a while and since I've not been out to breakfast someplace new so I think I'm going to at the very least throw a review for a place I've been and never will go again your way.

OLD COUNTRY BUFFET

That's right. I went there. And I went there. The OCB. Let me lay out the sordid detail for you hip cats...

Here is how we've all at some point wound up at the OCB

Me:  I'm soooooooooo hungry. And Poor. And Hungover. And I got this coupon in the mail.
Maggie: Me too! Especially that last one.
Me: Sweet. Endless breakfast for a pittance. Plus we don't really have to tip. Plus we can dress like shit because we'll be at the OCB!

So you get in a car together to save gas even though you're going less than 5 miles, and you walk through the door of the OCB.

Right away you know it's a bad idea, but you only have $7 on you, you've already cut out the coupon, and you are in a coffeeless daze so bad you don't even notice the peeling wallpaper.

The very unhappy cashier makes you PREPAY for food. Welcome to the land of no refunds.

You pick out a booth as far away as possible from everyone else as you can possibly get. You don't want them A) seeing your shame  B) eyeing your stuff. they might steal it.

Me: Graaaaaaaarg Hungry
Maggie: Brawwwwwww me too.

Gather your courage because it's time to go up to the buffet. You're thinking "maybe this will be good. maybe it'll be a veritable breakfast wonderland." Wrong. It's a likeness of a breakfast wonderland. It looks like scrambled eggs. Smells like scrambled eggs. Why doesn't it taste like scrambled eggs? The bacon is like delicate burnt ancient parchment. The sausage is weeping because it never got to be sausage. Suddenly I'm not so hungry, yet I plan on going back for more? I'm so confused and ashamed.

But hey, at least there is bottomless coffee.

Betsy's Diner. A tale of Cape Cod Far.

Maggie and I went on an epic pancake quest yesterday to falmouth for awesome breakfast. If you can handle the drive down 28, just past Sauron's Eye, you'll find Betsy's Diner.

Anywho, aside from being popular with Britney's backup dancers (excluding kfed) Betsy's is actually a really awesome place. Right away we were greeted by a very friendly woman who sat us in a plush boothe. The decor is totally 50's diner but in a good way. Not over done, not in the way that some people try to be from the 50's and fail miserably. It was just right.

The menu has a list of rules. I approve of them all. They all basically add up to "Don't be an asshole"

Their menu motto is "Eat Heavy." Agreed.

The meal was good. I got #9. It has a little of everything. Pancakes, which were delicious and served with copious amounts of soft whipped butter. Sausage, 2 huge links. Home fries, plain but tasty, excellent with ketchup. 2 eggs over medium, done to perfection. Toast... I got italian bread toast, top that mother fuckers.

Betsy's Diner gets a huge thumbs up from me, and Sauron (if he had thumbs).

A Lunch Story

(definately not a love story).

Ok, so I know it isn't breakfast, but it is food related. Here is how my lunch went. Be depressed with me.

Love,
Holly

Thanks for the souvenir cup!

Hey maggie's back!- It only took me a few weeks to figure out how to log back onto this thing.

Today I'm reviewing The Original Gourmet Brunch on Main St in Hyannis. We haven't had much luck on Main Street, Sunnyside (eh), Percy's (puts too much slimy crap in their breakfast potatoes) a good friend however recommended OGB, so Holly decided it was our next SYNT breakfast rendezvous.

It was warm, and the waitress was friendly, so was the host. They have excellent taste in art, including a limited edition lithograph of Heather Braginton-Smith's Pops-By-The-Sea from 1989.

The coffee was pretty good, the sweetener options were sparse "We have brown sugar for your coffee" the waitress gestured towards a cute little glass jar on the table...indeed filled with brown sugar. I don't know about you but I'm picky when it comes to my coffee, I like it black with sugar, white sugar. Holly prefers 7 creamers and sweet-n-low. There was no sweet-n-low, there was however white sugar, 5 packets to be exact, which is only enough for one cup of coffee. For my second cup I thought "What the hell?" and scooped a heaping spoon full of brown sugar into my coffee, which tasted pretty great actually. Did I mention that the coffee cups were clear glass? I thought they were really cool and got us each one to take home, a souvenir, "Thanks for the good times, don't know if I'll be back."


The food: I ordered a waffle with strawberries and whipped cream and a side of whatever they call their breakfast potatoes.

What I got was a smallffle covered in FRESH strawberries and whipped cream it was tasty, yet small and rectangular instead of the round plate sized waffle I was expecting. I took a bite of breakfast potato and said "That is interesting." To which Holly replied "Yeah...interesting." They tasted like potato, no spice, no grease, just cooked potato. We ended up dousing our potatoes with salt and ketchup to get a passable side dish.



Overall, not the best, not the worst.

Gimme S'More Waffles

(you'll like what I did with the title in a second)

Well, it's been a while breakfast clubbers, but a certain someone had some FACE EXPLODING AWESOME BIRTHDAY SHIT GOING DOWN, AWWWWWWWS YEAHHHH BOYEEEE. Including, yup you guessed it, breakfast!

The first breakfast was to be had at the Best Western in RI near TF Green, and I have 3 words for you:

Free.
Waffle.
Bar.

This was me when I found out there was a free waffle bar:

Oh, hello marshmallow title pun. Where've you been all my life?

So, yeah. I have to say they were pretty good. I must question how safe it is for hotel patrons to use a hot belgain waffle iron sans supervision. They were sweet and crispy. I like my waffles slightly well done and the iron is on a timer, so not as crispy as I usually like.

There was also sausage patties that were meant for breakfast sandwiches. I totally used them for dipping in my waffle syrup. I never wanted to leave. I was a kid in a waffle store. Eventually there was an epic battle.

Me vs Hotel Staff:

Maggie eventually told me they were going to cross the syrup streams if I didn't knock it off.

To comment on the rest of the free breakfast spread, there was plenty of coffee, juice, cereal, muffins, bagles, makings for sausage/egg/cheese breakfast sandwiches, fruit, etc. it was a pretty decent free breakfast in an affordable hotel.

So, if you are staying in RI near the airport, and a continental breakfast will make or break your hotel decision, do stay at the Best Western on Post Rd. Thumbs up BW!

Hearth N' Kettle N' Hash Browns, Oh My.

Sooooooo. The Hearth Nnn Kettle. It was alright. Actually the pancakes were delicious. Light and fluffy. I wish the menu had a better selection though. It was broad enough, but it was trying to hard to be colonial chic and it's hard to be fancy when you're dining in what seems to be a log cabin and you're not 100 yards from a pirate swimming pool and a cranberry grower convention.

I should have gotten hash browns instead of home fries. But the home fries were good. Can't go wrong with red bliss potato home fries. I was still sad about the hash browns though. I'll probably die regretting not ordering them.

Here are a list of things I'd regret on my death bed if I died in the next 10 minutes:

1. I never learned to swing dance.
2. I never got to see Japan.
3. Why didn't I make out with more people?
4. I was never in an epic sword fight.
5. I didn't order the delicious looking hash browns at the Hearth Nnnnnnnnn Kettle.
oh, and this:
6. I never got to punch Rush Limbaugh in the face. Lets face it, he kind of deserves it.

The ultimate would be if I accidentially tripped Rush while at a swing dance in Japan. Then we would have an epic samurai sword fight that ends with me punching him in the face and celebrating my victory by eating hash browns from Hearth NnnnnnnnnNNNnnnn Kettle.

Anywho, The plantation special is a safe bet at the H+K. Yet another B+

Holly The Grouch Goes To Grumpy's

Hey folks,

I was able to muster up enough follow through to crawl out of my garbage can and go to Grumpy's this past Saturday with maggie. I even tried something new! And to celebrate I will try something new here.

A photojournal of my visit (or a reasonable facsimile thereof).

Here is me just after waking up:

Here is me at Grumpy's with my coffee:

And, now I'm bored of that. Just so you know, those weren't really me. But seriously, Grumpy's was a good breakfast place. The  coffee was good. I had a grilled chocolate chip muffin that was to die for. And the cornmeal pancakes were delicious. And my bacon was the perfect mix of crispy and chewy. And my eggs were the perfect over medium. All in all it's a great little breakfast place, and you can tell it's a favorite of the locals. I would definately go back.

Grumpy's gets a solid B+

National Pancake Day, A Requiem

This dreary tuesday morning I dragged my ass out of bed, let the dogs out, and had just rubbed the sleep out of my eyes when I remembered "HOLY SHIT, FREE PANCAKES TODAY!! YESSSSSSS" I ran down the street in my stocking pjs like a kid on christmas morning and was greeted at IHOP's doors by magical pixies who poured syrup and magic on my shortstack.

But seriously...

I called Tiffany on monday night and was all:

me "Hey bitches, wanna go get some free pancakes?"
tiff "Um ok, what time"
me "7:30 bro"
tiff "Ugh. fuck that shit yo'. But sure. 7:30"
me "Sweeeeeeeeet"

Maybe a little more refined, but that was the long-shortstack of that conversation. (see what I just did there? pun gold.)

For those of you who are now confused and live under a rock, IHOP celebrated National Pancake Day by giving away a free shortstack of pancakes per customer. Yup, free. And you missed it.

Now, IHOP is by no means a fantabulous place for breakfast or any other meal, but they're ok. They're a chain, and you can only expect so much from them (mediocrity comes to mind first) but FREE FUCKING PANCAKES PEOPLE! It's really hard to screw up a pancake, unless you're the Sunnyside Cafe. In yo' face Sunnyside. So for a free breakfast, it was pretty good. And free.


Did I mention free?

The Sunnyside Cafe aka The Yucky-Poo-Poo-Juice Cantine

Nestled at the beginning of Main St. Hyannis is a little breakfast nook that I've had my eye on for a few years. Maggie and I finally tried it on Friday. And I'd like to repay my eye by poking it with a sharp stick.


Yes. It was that bad.


At first you go in and sure, it's kind of dated inside but those places usually have kick-ass breakfast. This was the exception to the rule and I'll list the reasons why:


1. Coffee. Terrible. Ugh. Yuck. Gross.


2. The menu has a picture of a horse's ass in it. I have no idea why. Now that I think about it, there were two horses' asses. I probably missed the caption stating that "your coffee will tase like this".


3. The price was cheap but you get what you pay for here.


4. The sausage was heat-n-serve. I want a nice patty sausage or plump link when I go out to breakfast. Not a sad dried up yorkie turd.


5. The pancakes were best described as rubbery and forgetful.


6. The home fries were dry, unseasoned, and had a weird texture. These were the potato on the griddle kind cooked with onion, but that actually hurt them. They were just awful.


7. Did I mention the coffee? Yucky-poo-poo-juice.


I will say this though, My eggs were good (over medium) and our waitress was awesome. She insisted we move so the sun wouldn't be in Maggie's eyes and kept our yucky-poo-poo-juice full. She needs to wait tables elsewhere, preferably a place with better food.


So the Sunnyside cafe gets a Fail+

P.S. The Sunnyside should serve their coffee out of this...

Good Mornin' Lassies!

Well its Monday, which is terrible, but that means tomorrow is Tuesday! Which means breakfast with my favorite See You Next Tuesday Breakfast Clubber...

However, that is not what this post is about, this post is about what I (this blog's ovo-lacto-pesca-vegitarian) think about breakfast at the Keltic Kitchen in Yarmouth. First of all you can't start off any review of said restaurant without first mentioning the embieance. Its so cozy, you almost feel like you could take the much anticipated post-Keltic Kitchen Coma nap right there. First its warm, and its not just "we've been cooking" warm, its like crawling-under-the-blankets-next-to-a-crackleing-fire warm. The music is Irish folk, classic, not too loud. The waitresses are cheery (and foreign), if you sit at the breakfast bar you get the Eastern European broad, who is excellent at remembering that you like to dip your home fries in extra syrup. Sit at a table and you get...Mother Ireland, shes hilarious Irish, and excellent at remebering that one time you came in with a couple of Lads, (its like Jaesus, havn't I already got a mother who's worried about my single status?)

Normally I front on all things overly Irish (except for of course people who are actually from Ireland, and Ireland itself.) I was skeptical to go to the KK at first especially when I saw that the parking space divider lines are painted green (also it is worth mentioning that there are also clovers painted on the ground outside). Thats just the Scituate-phobe girl in me, this place is a little slice of Ireland 3 minutes away from my house.

Onto the food, What I get:
Breakfast tea, perfect, caffinated served in a little silver teapot.
French Toast, very good fluffy served with an icecream-scoop sized portion of butter.
Home Fries, best I've ever had. The consistancy is good so I don't need to coat them in salt to "make them crunchy". They are perfectly seasoned, no extra wierd crud in them, just potatos. The portion is gargantuan, I have never, nor will I ever be able to eat one "side" of Home Fries from KK by myself. I can't even do it with the help of Holly.

Tomorrow, I fear Miss. Holly that we must venture back out into the world of other breakfast restaurants... we'll chalk it up to adventure, and KK will always be there if we need to rinse a bad taste out of our mouths.
<3maggie

Keltic Kitchen: Quest 1 Remix

So we met at the KK this morning and I had full intentions of getting something different, but it was the 2x4 again for me. I couln't help myself. Something about those deliciously fluffy pancakes and savory rashers... Can you blame me? The coffee flowed in copious amounts and there was a mountain of home fries to be had.

What can I say, I'm a creature of habit.

The 2 x 4 - Keltic Kitchen Quest part 1

The 2 x 4 is my favorite breakfast at the KK. I've gotten it every time I go and consists of all the things you should judge a good breakfast place by:

• 2 Eggs
• 2 Buttermilk Pancakes
• 2 Irish Sausage Links
• 2 Rashers (Irish Bacon)

This plate can of course be customized. Eggs any way, regular bacon instead of rashers, etc.

I always get my eggs scrambled, and they always amount to more than 2. They are always good, not runny or anything, and I am pretty sure they are beaten there. Either way, they're delicious.

The pancakes are giant. They have perfectly crispy buttery edges and a fluffy delicious middle. Served with whipped butter, a light dusting of powdered sugar, and 2 p.c. Smuckers pancake syrups they are quite possibly the best pancakes I've ever had.

Irish sausage. So freaking delicious. Dip it in syrup or eat it as is. Either way it gets my carnivore-seal-of-approval.

I love bacon. It's no secret. Those of you who know me know that if it came between saving you or a plate of bacon, well..... sorry guys. The regular bacon at KK is good. It's crispy and chewy and delicious. Rashers, however, kick bacon's ass up and down the street on a daily basis. It's like ham and bacon got married and the resulting offspring is the rasher. Mostly meat with just the right amount of fat to be bad for you, I suggest you get an extra order because you'll love them so much.

Of course you can't kick off a breakfast blog without mentioning the coffee. It's delicious and bottomless. There is a plethora of creamers on the table ready for action, sugar on one of those awesome giant sugar shaker thingys, and plenty of sweet&low to be had.

The KK 2x4 gets an A+

Keltic Kitchen - A Quest

So it seems every tuesday (or thursday as today's case might have it) we keep finding our way to the Keltic Kitchen. For those of you who live on The Cod and don't know the 5W's and 1H where the Keltic Kitchen is concerned, please eat there, move away, or die.

The Keltic Kitchen is only the best breakfast / lunch / breakfast place on Cape Cod and possibly MA, and likely the entire united states. Maybe even the world. An awesome welcoming atmosphere, friendly waitstaff, open kitchen, lots of delicious food, fair prices, and magic dripping from the walls. Go there. Hurry. Run if you have to.

So I was thinking of the possible ways to approach this blog, and I had a glorious idea. My first assignment will be eating through the Keltic Kitchen's (here on in known as the KK) menu, one dish at a time. I = awesome.

Maggie, I hope you assist me in my journey. You take on the vegetarian dishes, I'll take on the bacon (or better yet, the rashers).

The Birth of a Breakfast Blog.

I love going out to breakfast. Who doesn't? You pretty much have to not have a soul to hate starting your morning with food someone else cooked for you.

My friend Maggie and I started a pseudo-tradition of going to breakfast before work on tuesday mornings. It's a nice time to formulate plans, discuss the looming day, make fun of people and things, and otherwise puts us in a good mood before we have to go to our jobs and deal with the part of public that isn't pouring us coffee in a pleasing manner.

So, one day, over my Keltic Kitchen pancakes, Maggie says "we should have a newspaper column where we rate breakfast places" which is when I threatened to start this blog. I've seen my threat through Maggie. I win.

Anyways, I still haven't decided how to approach this, other than eating food, telling you how delicious it is and stealing the hilarious idea for a title from maggie (some of you will get it, others will not).

And there you have it, the birth of a Cape Cod Breakfast Blog.